Cave commented on his grief on his website The Red Hand Files, he responded to questions from fans asking if he has learned anything after his son's passing and if the pain is eternal. He responds to these questions in the form of a letter with a well thought out answer so that his readers can have a true and intrinsic understanding of his grief.
Cave says "The pain remains, but I have found that it evolves over time. Grief blossoms with age, becoming less a personal affront, less a cosmic betrayal, and more a poetic quality of being as we learn to surrender to it. As we are confronted with the intolerable injustice of death, what seems unbearable ultimately turns out not to be unbearable at all. Sorrow grows richer, deeper, and more textured. It feels more interesting, creative, and lovely."
He expresses that he felt part of a common human story as he recognises the value of humaness and our perilous situation. He stated in his response "I learned we all actually die. I realised that although each of us is special and unique, our pain and brokenness is not." Cave also shares the presence God has had on his journey of coming to terms with his grief.
"I discovered that the initial trauma of Arthur’s death was the coded cypher through which God spoke, and that God had less to do with faith or belief, and more to do with a way of seeing. I came to understand that God was a form of perception, a means of being alert to the poetic resonance of being. I found God to be woven into all things, even the greatest evils and our deepest despair. Sometimes I feel the world pulsating with a rich, lyrical energy, at other times it feels flat, void, and malevolent. I came to realise that God was present and active in both experiences," Cave said.
Cave's 15 year old son Arthur passed away in 2015, as a result of injuries from a fall from a cliff in Brighton. Cave's experience with grief was captured in the sixteenth studio album from 'Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds', 'Skeleton Tree'. Two weeks after his sons passing, he returned to the studio to continue recording the album as he believed it would help him through the difficult time.
Cave explains his feelings of grief now, he says "These days, I am neither distrustful nor suspicious of the world, even though my heart breaks for it, and I am not despairing, depressed or embittered. Indeed, I see heartbreak as the most proportional response to the state of the world – to say I love you is to say my heart breaks for you, and this sentiment resonates within all things, bringing a clarity to both the world before us and the world beyond the veil."
Cave also shared his wifes dreams of their son, and how they used to be filled with sorrow and pain, but now they are filled with joy and moments of her brushing his hair and lacing his shoes, "There is no despair or remorse in these dreams. They are, instead, an uncomplicated joy," he said.
Cave finishes with stating that although he is not exactly sure of what it is they have learned from their grief, all he knows is "here we still are, a decade later, living within the radiant heart of the trauma, the place where all thoughts and dreams converge and where all hope and sorrow reside, the bright and teary eye of the storm – this whirling boy who is God, like every other thing."
Cave frequently updates his website with responses to fan questions on The Red Hand Files, just last month he discussed how he turned down Morrissey's request to appear on a song together. Read more on Nova here.
